Stop the threat of throwing out toys
To Get Kids To Clean Up
Imagine coming home one day to find that all your cherished toys have disappeared without a word. That’s what happened to my 70-year-old client, who shared the heartbreaking story of how her parents threw away her toys simply because she hadn’t cleaned up. As a professional home organizer, I’ve witnessed similar instances where mishandled clutter leads to generational trauma, causing stress, anxiety, and an unhealthy attachment to belongings. It’s time we recognize the long-lasting impact of threatening our children with toy disposal and find alternative approaches prioritizing trust, respect, and independence.
A Painful Lesson: The Effects of Threats
The pain and despair in their eyes make it seem like the incident occurred just yesterday. This experience left an indelible mark, instilling the belief that their belongings were not truly theirs to decide upon. It shattered their sense of home, making them feel powerless whenever they made a mistake or upset their parents.
Sadly, this extreme example is not isolated. There are organizing programs and so-called expert advice advocating for hiding children’s toys while they’re away and getting rid of them. Some parents may feel entitled because they purchased the items, assuming it’s acceptable to discard broken toys without informing their child. But let’s pause and reflect: don’t we often keep broken things and continue to use them? We shouldn’t assume that being an adult grants us the right to do as we please simply because we think we know better.
The Fear Factor: Why Threats Don’t Foster Independence
In most cases, parents employ the threat of throwing away toys to pressure their children into making decisions they aren’t developmentally capable of making without fear. To avoid facing an angry parent or losing their beloved playthings, children comply with the demand. Consequently, cleaning up becomes synonymous with fear, an association that lingers until they move out and the threat dissipates (well, except for those stressful holiday visits when parents check the tidiness of their child’s home).
Adults, much like my clients, often struggle to let go of possessions without any clear reason. Parting with items, whether necessary or not, becomes an arduous task that challenges their sense of choice and control over their belongings. While threats and fear-based parenting tactics may yield short-term compliance, the long-term consequences can be far-reaching, affecting adult children’s financial, physical, and emotional well-being.
Modeling Responsibility and Respect:
If we genuinely desire our children to develop responsibility and show respect for their possessions and home, we must lead by example. As parents, we must assume the role of gatekeepers, ensuring we don’t acquire or accept more things than our children can handle during clean-up. If an overwhelming amount of toys already exists, it becomes our responsibility to collaborate with our children, helping them edit and troubleshoot storage options to make clean-up easier.
Moreover, we should view clean-up time as an opportunity to bond with our children, discover which toys they truly cherish, and consider letting go of those that no longer bring joy. By sharing the workload and providing unwavering support, we empower our children to clean up independently gradually.
Embracing Trust, Respect, and Independence:
It’s time to move away from threats and the actual disposal of our children’s belongings as consequences or punishments to force compliance. Instead, let us strive to create a home environment built upon trust, respect, and independence. By fostering empathy and understanding, we can help our children develop a genuine love for organization, leading to a lifetime of responsible habits and a harmonious living space.
Ann Dooley is a certified KonMari home organizer and positive parenting coach. She helps families strengthen connections through tidying. Follow for more tips and perspectives to create a harmonious home.
